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The past few days have been full of sleeping, procrastination, dancing fun and lots of barfing. Not in any particular order, all of the above happened in big random chunks during the weekend, some happening more than others. Like sleeping... and procrastination.

I wrote my first fan-email the other day. To the guy from little yellow different. He seems really cool. I wonder if I'll get a reply. I was slightly delerious from medication, so I might have sounded like a psycho killer. Funny, I'm actually nervous about whether or not he'll reply. ^^;

I've been sleeping a lot these past few days. I can't tell whether or not it's because I'm truly tired, or because I'm just running away from my responsibilities and my thoughts. It's probably a little bit of both.

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Barfing feels good. Especially if your somach's been feeling funky for a while. that happened to me. I had a brief stint in the car yesterday after the dance, but didn't really allow myself to go all out. today i finally forced myself to hurl it all out and it really felt great.

I hope i'm not becoming a bulemic. haha. that's the third time i've barfed in a week. and it feels better every time. O_o;

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You know, it's strange. Ever since that one night, with that strange incident with the drugs and alcohol where I came to some realizations, i feel like I've changed. I probably haven't changed at all, and still act the same and all that ish. But for some reason a part of me feels more... conscious. I can't really explain it. I feel as if I am more aware -- and want to be aware -- of the things around me.

I want to put it all into the box of "figment of my imagination"... but it's really hard to when all of a sudden a lot of reactions towards things (just those little things that go on in the mind) suddenly change... I want to pin it to something, make it have a meaning. I dont want to just change for no reason... So I think that ngiht is a good enough scapegoat.

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My friend dave is having a hard time. Incidentally, I can't bring myself to talk to him. I don't know why, but I'm scared to go over there. Sometimes, I really don't understand myself.

I care about you, though, dave. =T

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Posted by Kim @ 09:30 PM PST

1 has spoken

Im glad you still reflect upon that night. Sorry for bringing you to an intoxicating environment.

Im really worried about dave lately also. I try to help. I just try to be there at his place as much as possible, in case he wants to say something to me. i think a little bit'o starcraft with him helps too =)

Posted by James @ 11/05/2001 01:49 PM PST