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i'd like to think that i'm not an emotional person. and in some ways, i really am not. i rarely cry in movies (i didnt even cry during titanic... oOoO). i guess the fact of the matter is that i don't cry when i should. but then, when i shouldn't, or when it wouldn't be expected, i let the tears flow freely. some things for some reason affect me more than others.

sometimes i wonder if i'm emotionally backwards.

like the time when i was little, and my mom's coworker didn't cut the orange in half the way that i could see the star in the middle. or the time i mistook one of my mom's poor customers for one of her rich ones and cried when i thought that she had forgotten my birthday.

i didn't cry at graduation. i couldn't even squeeze out tears. when we had our last key club goodbyes, even though kc had been the most important thing in my life for almost three years... but then i cried when i read on a blog that a friend was having problems.

i always try to squeeze out the tears, when people around me are crying... graduation, convention, even titanic. but somehow, the only tears that come are the kind that usually come out when you squeeze your eyes too hard.

the thing is, it's not as if i'm not emotional. i'm very emotional. i find myself crying a lot and crying hard at times. it almost always has to do with my mother. somehow (maybe it's 18 years of experience) she always knows how to bring the tears out of me.

does she do it on purpose? i dont know.

whenever i see or hear about people who have gone through similar pains in life as me, tears begin to gather in my eye. i hate to think that anyone would have to suffer pains at all.

when i'm all alone and wonder about where my life is going and whether or not i'll be able to survive in the 'real world', the tears come.

it's weird, isn't it, how different things trigger different reactions in different people? Of course, it would be nice if the things that triggered reactions in other, more 'normal', also triggered reactions in me. =T

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Posted by Kim @ 12:37 AM PST