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2002822

what it means to me

Regardless of how much I wish I didn't care about what people think of me, regardless of how much I know I shouldn't care about the thoughts of people I think rather lowly of, I still care. Is it that strange?

I'm ashamed to say that I'm affected by this. I'm affected by things that I should be above... Like being disgusted to the point of physical illness of a dirty, polluted stream of water though you're simply looking down at it from a bridge. Like becoming sad when you're watching something that's only on telivision... Things that shouldn't effect you at all that end up bothering you in your daily life.

I know I shouldn't worry, I know I shouldn't care... And strangely, a part of me really doesn't give a shit anymore... But there's always that tiny little nagging feeling in the back of my mind... The knowledge that I'm hated by some, and disliked by many.

At least I can find solace in the fact that I did at some point evoke a stronger emotion than apathy from some people.

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Posted by Kim @ 03:58 PM PST

3 have spoken

i guess that's normal to feel. no matter how many times we tell ourselves that we don't care what others think, there's a little part in us that does. you just have concern for a multitude of things. there's nothing wrong with that.

Posted by maria @ 09/07/2002 03:23 AM PST

Kim, I'm actually more worried about the freaktards who aren't affected by something "just because it's on television". Why do people think that just because someone is being killed on TV (which means it's either happening far away or fictionally), you're supposed to feel LESS attached to it. Come on, you're watching someone get killed IN YOUR LIVING ROOM.

but then again, you say something like that and you normally get apathy.

Kim, you're clever, insightful, and sensitive. Don't lose the sensitivity even though it seems like the one thing that never fails to brings you into a depression... It's an essential and rare trait/curse(?) that I wish more people had.

Is it strange that you still care what some jerkoff thinks? no. why? because you're not a jerkoff.

--jetsetelective

Posted by jetsetelective [e-meo] [virtual dwelling] @ 08/28/2002 01:59 PM PST

For what I can say from your weblog, you seem to be a wonderful person who is however punishing herself undeservingly. Quit that, okay?

Posted by Kris [e-meo] @ 08/22/2002 11:53 PM PST